Friday morning I woke up and was getting ready for work. As I tried on different outfit combinations, I felt my mood going south. It was one of those days where nothing fit right and I just felt large. I examined myself in the mirror, poking at this bulge and that lump, frowning at my reflection. How did I let this happen? How did I allow myself to gain so much weight? It's a hard truth. I'm big. And I have no one to blame but myself.
This post is hard to type. Putting it out there like this... I know some people may read this and judge, but oh well. Eff it.
I pride myself on being able to dress nicely for my figure. But saying that feels conditional. Like when people say, "she's cute... for a big girl". I don't want to dress "nice... for my figure". I don't want my figure to matter - not to me or anyone else. Not as a condition, at least.
I mentioned before that I don't hate my body. Maybe I need to. Maybe that would light a fire under my ass to do something constructive. But how can you make yourself hate yourself? And why would you want to? I know that's not the answer. I just need to stop making excuses for myself. I can't just look at the mirror that flatters me. I need to look at the one that shows a fatter me. That was corny, I'm sorry. But really, it's time for me to be accountable to myself. My birthday is right around the corner. I don't want to look into the mirror next year only to see the same body, or worse, an even larger one. With all the starts and stops I've had, I could have been a lot healthier and happier by now...
This is the part where I would resolve to do this and that, but I won't do that this time. I already know what I need to do.
It's time to put up or shut up.
This post is hard to type. Putting it out there like this... I know some people may read this and judge, but oh well. Eff it.
I pride myself on being able to dress nicely for my figure. But saying that feels conditional. Like when people say, "she's cute... for a big girl". I don't want to dress "nice... for my figure". I don't want my figure to matter - not to me or anyone else. Not as a condition, at least.
I mentioned before that I don't hate my body. Maybe I need to. Maybe that would light a fire under my ass to do something constructive. But how can you make yourself hate yourself? And why would you want to? I know that's not the answer. I just need to stop making excuses for myself. I can't just look at the mirror that flatters me. I need to look at the one that shows a fatter me. That was corny, I'm sorry. But really, it's time for me to be accountable to myself. My birthday is right around the corner. I don't want to look into the mirror next year only to see the same body, or worse, an even larger one. With all the starts and stops I've had, I could have been a lot healthier and happier by now...
This is the part where I would resolve to do this and that, but I won't do that this time. I already know what I need to do.
It's time to put up or shut up.
4 comments:
you can do it!! i won't say resolve to hate your body..i think caring for it by losing weight comes out of love more than hate. love is a much stronger emotion than hate.
i know hate is wrong, but you're right. if i truly love myself then i need to take care of my body better. i only get one, so i better make the most of it lol
I so feel you on this! Love yourself enough to feed your body the right foods and to workout a couple of times during the week! I've been there and done that! If you need any advice you know where to find me!
Take care You!
hey leelee! i will definitely be coming to you for advice. actually here's a question: do you have any heart healthy or vegetable recipes you'd care to share? i hate vegetables, i need a way to eat them where they don't taste like death lol
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